So I just found out that Don LaFontaine died on Monday. You might not know his name, but you definitely know his voice. Just think of pretty much any movie trailer from the last few decades. You know, “in a world…” I’m a pretty big voice-acting geek, so I’m surprised and saddened by this news. However, this does mean his position is now open, and I believe I’m the right person for the job. Hollywood, give me a fucking call. I have a million voices - each one more awesome than the last! I can’t order a pizza without the person taking the order having an orgasm. Remember watching the Olympics? Fuck no you didn’t, because it was actually just me, describing how I thought the Olympics should go. My voice is just so awesome that it can make you see amazing shit. I gave Phelps 8 gold medals! I created the Chinese women’s gymnastics age controversy! Me!!

Next Olympics: Dinosaurs on unicycles. Suck one!

Update: Lucy (my dog) is fine, she had two more puppies, making 3 total. More possibly on the way.

Here’s the latest political headline to make steam blow out of my ears: Bush Administration Tries to Redefine Contraception as Abortion.

Here’s the thing, though - this is too crazy, even for Bush. I smell a misdirection. He’s cooking something really evil up, and he wants everyone to be outraged over this so we won’t notice when that shit goes down. Keep alert, America!

I’m done. Fuck this fucking country, I’m done. Senate Approves Telecom Immunity and New Eavesdropping Rules. You know, if we’re just going to completely disregard the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, what’s the fucking point? Let’s just appoint a fucking Emperor for Life and be done with this whole charade. I guess the only question now is what country I’ll be moving to after graduation.

Wow, I just saw a Scientology commercial on TV. This is nuts. And speaking of Scientology, read this article about Scientology’s crushing defeat. You’ll be amazed at just how fucking stupid people are, all over again.

So I heard that new Kid Rock song on the radio the other day. Nobody in pop music is even trying anymore, are they? I mean, the song basically is just “Sweet Home Alabama.” It doesn’t offer anything more or better than what’s already there. Why the hell would you even bother.

Not too long ago it was most musicians’ goal to get their song played on the radio. I don’t think that’s true any more - at least, I certainly wouldn’t want my tunes on the radio. I mean, they run the same playlist day in, day out for weeks. How can anyone who listens to the radio not get sick of every song they hear after the 40th time?

Cool Stuff:
This Gangbang is so Awkward - Hilarious. And very likely true. You know, I’m not going to lie here: I watch porn sometimes. And sometimes I’ll start thinking about it, and it’ll make me sort of sad. I mean, these people are not going to be fucking all the time, and at some point they’re going to be paid for their services and have to take that long car ride home. Then they’re going to get up the next day and brush their teeth, and you’ve gotta wonder what that girl (who last night had seven hairy douchenozzles doing things to her that are illegal in most states) is thinking about at that moment.
Over vs Under - Always remember that Over is the One True Way. And we have Science to prove it!
Spite - This shit’s just plain funny.

George Carlin, my favorite comedian for as long as I can remember (which is actually a pretty damn long time, when it comes to comedians if nothing else), died last night. He was a philosopher and a comedian who managed to stay hilarious and relevant for more than 4 decades. I was fortunate enough to see him perform a couple of years ago, and it just makes me incredibly sad that he’s gone.

So we wait all this time for WWDC, and now nothing (not even the firmware) is shipping until July?! Lame.