Hey! It’s my friggin’ birfday over here!

I started my internship yesterday - I’m now a technology intern at Western Wayne School District. I fix the broken computers if I can, and send ‘em back if I can’t. Not too bad, I guess. I did have to buy new clothes for it though, which kinda sucks. But I’m getting paid, so that’s kinda good.

Other than that, there’s really not that much going on. I’ve been going out of my mind trying to keep up with school project deadlines, and in the very few waking moments I’m not freaking out trying to miraculously get everything in the world done (i.e. taking a crap, to put it bluntly), I’ve been strangely addicted to Tiger Woods PGA Tour on the DS.

Cool Stuff:
25 photos taken at the exact right time - pretty amazing, especially the shark about to gently take a seal in it’s soft, pillow-like jaws and carry it back to shore where it will be safe (I’m assuming that’s what’s about to happen, anyway)
5 scientific reasons a zombie apocalypse could actually happen - I’ve had it with these motherfucking zombies on this motherfucking………………earth.
10 reasons gay marriage is un-American - This list is far too long. There’s only one reason gay marriage is un-American, and that reason’s name is Jesus Christ. End of argument.
MST3K - The Shorts - Sufficient springs! I’ve heard rumors that Joel is bringing this back - well, not MST3K exactly, but something called Cinematic Titanic, done with the original MST3K cast. But as of right now, nobody seems to know exactly what it is. Elsewhere, Mike seems to be doing pretty well with RiffTrax, which I haven’t heard yet but sounds like it could be funny. Maybe I’ll try one out, they’re pretty cheap. Also make sure to check out the Top Ten Best Lines. I cried a little.

Well, this sucks. Work kinda sucked, and tonight I really wanted to do something - anything - and I can’t really leave the house because of all this ridiculous snow.

Also, why does regular green tea smell like fish?

Boy, I thought I had more material than that. Oh well, here’s some links, fools!

The Hoohaa Monologues - because the word, like the orifice, is disgusting, and women should be ashamed to have them. By the way, here’s some boobs: ( . Y . )
God Hates a Fag (and also C.H.O.P.S.) - Apparently someone traveled forward in time to rip me off! The dastard!! Anyway, the video is currently unavailable, so I don’t know the extent of the plagiarism, but rest assured, my crack team of time lawyers are on the case!
Zombie Preparedness Initiative - Keep your head. Remove theirs.
Fun Facts About The End of the World - Like Reagan, I too am a gigantic fan of jellybeans.

Well folks, something horrible is happening right under our noses. I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming - how could I have been so blind?! I’m talking, of course, about the impending primate invasion. There may still be time, people. Those damn dirty apes will never take me alive!

In other news, I’m learning Chinese, and it’s going pretty well. My college campus doesn’t appear to offer any classes in Chinese, so in order to receive foreign language/culture credit, I’m going to have to either
A. Convince them to offer Chinese by going around and asking students if they want to take it. However, not knowing, or wanting to know anyone on my campus, I doubt I’ll be doing that. But there’s also
B. Take another language. I would really rather not at this time. I like Chinese, it’s a pretty musical language. So that leaves
C. Become proficient enough in the language within the next two years that I can pass a proficiency exam for the credits I need. Wish me luck, peoples.

Here’s something I haven’t done in a while: posted links!
Cool Stuff:
Whiteboard Music - A stop-motion animation on a whiteboard. This is just plain amazing.
The funniest pie-chart joke ever! - Seriously.

I wonder if they make a pencil sharpener in the shape of a guy and the pencil hole is in the middle of his chest, and every time you stick a pencil in it sets off a sound effect of a guy screaming. I think that would be pretty funny.

I had an idea today for a zombie movie where the hero’s name is Miller, and when he loads up his shotgun to go kill some zombies he says "It’s Miller Time," and then lawyers get him for trademark infringement.

Cool Stuff:
20 things you didn’t know about death - Well, I don’t know if all of this stuff is true, but it’s sort of interesting, I guess.
Zombies invade San Francisco - yeah, I know it happened over a week ago, but it’s still pretty bitchin’.
Perversion for Profit - I seriously wonder if the makers of all these goofy propaganda films from the 50s and 60s knew that they were actually making comedy gold. "75 to 90 PERCENT!"

So here I am, watching Jurassic Park for the buzillionth time, and I’m going to tell you something about me. I really like Jurassic Park. But I really, really like the beginning parts, where it’s just seemingly normal stuff going on in the labs and the tour and what-have-you. I like the beginning more than any of the action. Same goes for other movies like JP, like The Abyss. Maybe because you can tell it’s building to something. I like that - not just cramming the action down your throat the whole time, but really building things up. That’s why horror movies aren’t any good any more - every new horror director skips all the suspense and mood-building and just says ‘just throw a few more really loud noises and flashing lights in it, that’ll scare ‘em.’ Fuck you, assholes, horror movies aren’t scary any more! And another thing - in my day, our shoes were made of barbed wire and piranhas, and we had to walk 93,000,000 miles to school every day, and our school was located on the sun. And there was no air conditioning. And every day the retarded doorman would say ‘hot enough for ya?’

You know what video game hasn’t been made (to my knowledge, anyway)? ‘Escape from Slavery.’ Now, before all the letters from the NAACP start rolling in, just think about it - slavery would make a perfect video game, maybe a first-person shooter of some kind. You’ve got the hero, the slave, fighting against a whole lot of evil enemies, the white plantation owners. Your goal could be to slip away quietly in the night and make your way through the underground railroad OF DEATH! Or maybe you could just go on killing spree with your trusty scythe, dyeing the cotton fields red with the blood of your oppresors. It practically writes itself!

Cool Stuff:
What if robots turn out to be sexy? - NOOOOO! God help us all if they do. Wait, didn’t you people see the high school health class propaganda film, DON’T DATE ROBOTS?
The Golden Age of the Internet - Dvorak probably hit the nail on the head here. Scary stuff.
Super Paper Mario Videos - I’ll admit that I never actually played the original Paper Mario, but I love the graphic style. In fact, it was what inspired my ‘Paper Me’ avatar and the yet-to-be-made cartoon series involving me and all my wacky 2D adventures.