This morning I got in my car to go to school, and I noticed a piece of paper on my windshield. So I got out and read it, and it said:

Check your engine area. You have a kitten inside. Call xxx-xxxx if you find it.

So I popped the hood, and goddamned if a real live fucking kitten didn’t jump out! It ran away into the back yard before I could grab it. I hope my dogs don’t eat it if it’s still back there…

Anyway, I called the number, and a lady told me that her daughter spotted the kitten apparently disappear under my car’s hood (don’t even ask me how it managed that), and was terrified that I would start the engine and vaporize it or something. To be completely honest, I did start the engine for about 10 seconds before I saw the note and turned it off, so I (and the cat!) was very lucky that the kitten wasn’t sitting near the actual engine block when I started the car. Funny story: when I turned the engine off, I heard a “meow!” coming from under the hood and had a total WTF moment.

So I wonder how the kitten got in there. Or maybe it was born inside, confirming my theory that all car engines are actually cat-powered, and gas pumps actually dispense water with special cat steroids that make the cats super fast.

In other news, we watched “Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle” in my cinema class yesterday. Now, I’ve seen a lot of really crappy movies lately (300, Transformers), but this was just one of the worst fucking movies I’ve ever seen. And the worst part is that the numb-fuck retards I go to school with thought it was the absolute height of comedic genius. It was like a flashback to my sitcom class a few semesters ago when I had to suffer through an episode of “The Single Worst Sitcom Ever Produced, Ever,” better known in America as “Two and a Half Men,” while these stupid pieces of shit all around me cackled like loons. I hate my generation. Seriously.

In honor of Russia’s new war with Georgia The Country, here are a couple of interesting American propaganda posters I stumbled across recently. I guess I didn’t remember them quite right, and they seem a little wrong to me, but I suppose it was a different time back then.

The great thing about the Uncle Sam poster is that it’s just so goddamn easy to make up hilarious stuff for it. The bad thing is that quite a few things you make up for it, chances are good that someone else has already thought of it.

Here’s an odd magazine I came across on the newsstands today:

Attribution: Original Amish guy photo by zeandroid. Covered under an awesome CC license.

Update: Lucy (my dog) is fine, she had two more puppies, making 3 total. More possibly on the way.

Here’s the latest political headline to make steam blow out of my ears: Bush Administration Tries to Redefine Contraception as Abortion.

Here’s the thing, though - this is too crazy, even for Bush. I smell a misdirection. He’s cooking something really evil up, and he wants everyone to be outraged over this so we won’t notice when that shit goes down. Keep alert, America!

I’m done. Fuck this fucking country, I’m done. Senate Approves Telecom Immunity and New Eavesdropping Rules. You know, if we’re just going to completely disregard the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, what’s the fucking point? Let’s just appoint a fucking Emperor for Life and be done with this whole charade. I guess the only question now is what country I’ll be moving to after graduation.

Wow, I just saw a Scientology commercial on TV. This is nuts. And speaking of Scientology, read this article about Scientology’s crushing defeat. You’ll be amazed at just how fucking stupid people are, all over again.

So I heard that new Kid Rock song on the radio the other day. Nobody in pop music is even trying anymore, are they? I mean, the song basically is just “Sweet Home Alabama.” It doesn’t offer anything more or better than what’s already there. Why the hell would you even bother.

Not too long ago it was most musicians’ goal to get their song played on the radio. I don’t think that’s true any more - at least, I certainly wouldn’t want my tunes on the radio. I mean, they run the same playlist day in, day out for weeks. How can anyone who listens to the radio not get sick of every song they hear after the 40th time?

Cool Stuff:
This Gangbang is so Awkward - Hilarious. And very likely true. You know, I’m not going to lie here: I watch porn sometimes. And sometimes I’ll start thinking about it, and it’ll make me sort of sad. I mean, these people are not going to be fucking all the time, and at some point they’re going to be paid for their services and have to take that long car ride home. Then they’re going to get up the next day and brush their teeth, and you’ve gotta wonder what that girl (who last night had seven hairy douchenozzles doing things to her that are illegal in most states) is thinking about at that moment.
Over vs Under - Always remember that Over is the One True Way. And we have Science to prove it!
Spite - This shit’s just plain funny.